I came down to Pine Cay with a heart that was broken.

I guess that is how it always will be.

I’ve sat many hours looking out to the sea.

Staring and staring, ever staring.

No thoughts, no dreams, just an empty shell.

I snorkeled, I kayaked, took walks in the sun.

So blessed to have had this time by myself.

Too bad I can’t say, I’m healed and all better.

 It’s time to go home, and get on with life.

My husband, son, and two dogs wait there to greet me.

Our family, now smaller, so needs one another.

Help me move forward, there’s much living to do.

My heart is broken, how can it not be?

Our daughter’s ashes now drift in the sea.

I want so to mend, I really am trying.

Then why am I sitting here frequently crying?

It’s been two weeks, so why can’t I heal?

Will I ever get over this awful ordeal?

 My dear, darling Heather, you were always my life.

Without you, how will I ever manage?

Yet I know you are here with your beautiful smile.

Watching and saying with glee,

Thanks for bringing me back to Pine Cay.

I’m doing OK, I keep trying to show you.

Remember the eagle ray, the starfish, the osprey,

Oh yes, that is me, just saying hello.

I’m here, I’m there, I all around you.

Be not sad, be not mellow.

You called me your angel, well that’s what I am now.

I’m living the good life, I’m truly God’s child.

So Mom don’t be sad as you stare at the beach.

Please know that I love you, I miss you,

Already I’ve ingested my second Rum Punch.

Oh my God, it’s just after lunch.

I sit here staring at the azure blue sea.

How thankful I am this is happening to me.

My husband so generous, my soul-mate, my love.

He knew what I needed and he wished me well.

Time by myself to sit and reflect.

Just me and the sun, the sand and the sea.

My daughter so loving, so precious, so young.

Why was it her time, it doesn’t make sense.

It’s not nature’s way that she go and I stay.

Believe me, I prayed it would not be this way.

Please give me the cancer and let her heal.

But alas, it was not meant to be.

She lived a full life in such a short time.

Thirty-three years are really not very many.

How she loved teaching children to read, to write and to swim.

Everyone she met she truly inspired.

Her beautiful smile shone bright from her soul,

Reflecting the love and caring she gave to the world.

She was brave and strong, and fought ‘til the end.

With never a question of why has this happened to me.

She had surgery, chemo, radiation, too.

Not once, not twice, it seemed like forever.

The Doctors, the Nurses, the Aides, she all knew by name.

Her warmth and her courage tugged at their hearts.

We’d see the Doctor to hear how she was doing.

It’s better here, but now it’s there.

Don’t worry said he, I still have lots of tricks in my bag.

So off we would go with a glimmer of hope.

I said let’s get a glass of wine and reflect.

We didn’t say much we didn’t need to.

A mother and daughter trying hard just to cope.

Cope we did, time and time again.

Some battles she won, but the war she ultimately lost.

This insidious disease finally claimed another victim.

All the strength and the bravery could not stop it.

And, here I sit, much like before.

A glass of wine on the table,

But now there’s no daughter to sit by my side

A mother whose daughter has been taken away.

My best buddy is gone.

I’m so hurt and so wounded.

Yet, I will put a smile on my face and try to move on.

It is what she would want me to do.

But please, help me to do more than just cope.

Fourteen days, a fortnight, I’ve been here by the sea.

Trying to heal from the death of my daughter.

I attempted to read, but to little avail.

Three books in two weeks, that’s hardly a record.

Boxes of note cards I planned to send,

Sit on the counter, not one of them written.

So now as I’m readying soon to depart,

I sit writing poetry, page after page.

I’ve never done this before and I’m surely no poet.

The trash can is full of tissues I’ve used.

My face is puffy from the tears that I’ve shed.

The more I write the more I weep.

Is this really helping?

Maybe it is, maybe this is an answer.

Pour out your heart on this pad of paper.

Nothing else has worked, so this will have to do.

My eyes are drying, I think I’m feeling better.

The day started gloomy, it even poured.

The showers have ended and the sun’s shining brightly.

Enough of this poetry.

Walter

I called it getting centered, what I needed to do.

What the heck does that mean-who only knows.

Not left or right, somewhere in the middle.

My dear friend, my husband, you let me try.

With a smile on your face and understanding in your heart,

You wished me well.

Your grief is no less than that which I feel.

Yet here I sit in this island paradise,

While you’re home alone enabling this to happen.

The bond between mother and daughter is so special.

But what about father and daughter.

 I’m sure it’s no different.

How blessed we were to have her given to us.

We loved her, cared for her.

Oh what joy she brought to us.

I remember it now like it was just yesterday,

The first steps she took on her one year birthday.

So pretty, so cute in her blue and white dress.

We watched her grow into someone bigger than life.

We knew she was good, loving and caring.

A gifted teacher and coach, and friend to many.

She loved us, her brother and all her dogs.

But how could we have known

all the lives that she touched.

The outpouring of praise for her was overwhelming.

Who could have imagined what a legacy she would leave.

She was just our Heather, our daughter, our friend.

We gave her the best money could buy.

Holton-Arms, Middlebury, cars and vacations.

She appreciated it all and had so much fun.

We sat by her side through so many illnesses.

I’d stay as long as I could,

But not always as long as I should.

You were the strong one, who’d stay through the night.

Holding her hand when she asked,

And rubbing her back.

She fought like crazy, but we did, too.

Three brave souls, ever vigilante, ever questioning.

My God, what we have all been through.

Our dear, dear Heather is now at peace—so why am I crying?

Perhaps my tears are not from sorrow.

Perhaps they’re acknowledging what I have discovered.

What exactly is centering—I think I now know.

It’s moving on with my live,

Looking forward not back.

I’m here in the middle, surrounded by love.

You on my one side and Craig on the other.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.